...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
