You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
