I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
