We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
