she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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