I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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