Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
