True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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