From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
