yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Life is so much better after having sex.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
