you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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