Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
