Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
