I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
And then he peed in my hair
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