Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize