Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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