I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
