I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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