Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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