I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
