So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Quick, to the slutcave!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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