Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
