I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
