u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
