You were right. It hurts to walk today.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
