Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize