I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's blow job season.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
