You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
