When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
