I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize