Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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