you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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