Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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