Jerry, you need to find god
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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