i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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