Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Are we still banned from the library?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
