is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
