You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
