I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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