Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
