I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
