i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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