That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
