Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
