i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
