Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
