I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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