Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
