Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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