My cat gives me a boner
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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