you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
