He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
