Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
