I'm so fucking centered right now
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Randomize
