Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
