Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize