Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
