I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
