i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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