I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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