i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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