Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
