id be glad to
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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